Flirting
by YellowClover7
Summary: This was based on a classmate at my school. Do not attempt to get a boyfriend/girlfriend by this bimbo's terrible example. I don't own these characters nor the game. They rightly belong to Nintendo
1. Chapter 1

The Smash mansion's population has grown massively. The number of newcomers increased time after time. Out of all the smashers, Link is the most popular one and the least popular would be Peach. Why? Who knows.

Whenever you feel unpopular, you always try your hardest to be the attention grabber. That's how Peach feels. She wanted attention but her decision is very poor and stupidly so to speak.

She skips outside the mansion as always and runs into Mario who is standing out in the open. He looks in every direction but when he looks at Peach, he immediately turned to the opposite direction. Peach is unaware of what Mario or who Mario is waiting for. May the mail be a bit late or a visitor perhaps?

"Hey Mario, what you doing?" Peach winks at him but Mario didn't smile or anything. He kept a straight smile on his face.

"Nothing I'm just waiting." He replied with eyes still focused in front.

"Okay. But Mario would you like to go on a date with me and then we could get naughty and stuff?" Peach winks again but this time lean towards Mario to see his reaction.

Mario's lips curled and he bursts into laughter, a haughty one to be exact. Peach straighten her back again and had a face of a slight disappointment or perhaps anger. Peach lifts Mario by his u shaped shirt and had a demonic glare across her face.

"Listen up you fat Italian plumber, I'm going to make you love me. If you don't, I, I'll murder you cold-blooded." She threatened him but Mario didn't pay any attention to her for that he heard hums from far away. The noise travels while Mario's smile widens to the point where he needed to close that mouth.

"She's here." Mario shouts in joy. Peach's glare is now a confusing expression.

"Who?" She asked. The motorcycle parked itself near the entrance of the mansion. The rider is wearing a shiny black helmet in disguise. Once the helmet is removed from her, she reveals herself. The woman had long brown hair, icy blue eyes, deep purple eyeshadow, long battery black eyelashes, and red pouty lips. Peach releases Mario, who quickly runs to her in excitement, took a glimpse at her, recognizing that who Mario is going out with is Pauline.

Mario carded himself behind Pauline with his hands on her slim waist. Pauline had her hands on both handles as she is prepared to take off. Mario uses his right hand to wave to Peach goodbye but it wasn't a goodbye.

"See ya sucker!" He called out to her before Pauline roams away. Peach had no reaction to this but all she could say was,

"So much for baking him a cake."

* * *

Later, Peach is inside the mansion sitting next to Robin, who is reading his book.

"Robin," Peach lowers Robin's book to get his attention. Robin slams the book in irritated but doesn't show it.

"What?" He sneers a little.

"I just wanted to tell you how much of a cutie you are."

"Whatever."

"How about I buy you dinner and I can give you the succ." Peach twirls a strand of her hair with her eyes shut. Robin's eyes were wide in surprise and disbelief. Without Peach noticing, he raises himself off the couch, raises his book and sword and shouting,

"BEGONE THOT"

Peach's eyes were open and she pleaded Robin to not hurt her. Robin didn't pay any attention to his thunder sent Peach flying out the window.

After all that commotion, Robin sighs in relief and peacefully reads again with a smile on his face.  
Outside, Peach uses her knees to stand on her feet but failed so she had her one knee touching the ground and the other knee in the air. Peach cursed under her breath in anger.

Luigi opens the mansion door and walks in with bags of groceries in his arms. There were so much that it's blocking his view and he needed assistance. Some of the smashers didn't help him and some were willing to but are too busy. Peach, behind him, walks quietly. When she tapped his shoulder, Luigi turns his head to the side and using his eye for detection. When he noticed that Peach is there standing, he jumped and screamed, dropping a lot of groceries and the food in it.  
Peach didn't even bother to apologize.

"Hi Luigi." She sings.

"Peach, look what you made me do! I bought the groceries and now some of them are spilling." Luigi angrily takes a sheet of a paper towel and wipes the spilled milk.

"Well," Peach starts to argue "I'm not the one who drop them."

"You were the cause of it." Luigi shot back.

"I just tap your shoulder you green piece of sh*t." Peach's voice starts to rise.

"All those years saving you," Luigi shakes his head "And you show up to me and act like a brat." He begins to wipe the orange juice that is running across the floor.

"Whatever Luigi." Peach begins to change the subject "I came here to tell you that there's a carnival here and it just opened. Want to go? Oh and I "apologize". " Peach bats her eyelashes once she leans on Luigi's back. Luigi's expression went from anger to bright. He remembered someone else asking him to go.

"Bayonetta..." He whispered under his breath. Bayonetta is the most popular Smash brothers gal that every man has a crush on. It was surprising that she chose Luigi to be her date at the carnival in front of the droolers. Now most of them hate Luigi now. Poor Luigi.

"You're going out with that slut?" Peach asks bluntly.

"At least she won't get kidnapped and I have to go save her." Luigi stood up for Bayonetta.

Peach mutters "At least my clothes aren't made of my own hair."

Luigi could definitely hear that. He didn't have anything else to shot back at Peach. He hollers like a monkey for excitement, something that Luigi would never do. He throws the thin paper towel at Peach's face then sticking two middle fingers at her face. Luigi vacates himself hollering like a psycho while running around the perimeter of the mansion.

"Yep," Peach drops the towel "Luigi is gay."

* * *

Pit and Dark Pit were in the living room, sitting on the floor with controllers in their hands. The two angels were playing a game called Street Fighter IV. Pit's main is always Ken and Dark Pit's is always Ryu. Funny enough, Ryu lives with them and it's a challenge for Dark Pit to not fangirl over him. Peach invites herself to watch the fight. As she watches she chimes in,

"Who's Ryu?"

Pit politely answers "Dark Pit of course. Why?"

"He's kinda hot."

After hearing Peach's opinion, Dark Pit starts wearing a hateful glare across his face.

"I mean," Peach continues on "He's got big muscles, big feet, tight pectorals, and maybe something big between them legs." Peach chuckles at her description of Ryu and fantasizing it as well. Pit didn't quite understand Peach's pervy personality but he kept a wide smile on his face as for Dark Pit, he felt the need to snap at her.

"Go away you pervert. I don't even want to imagine Ryu's thing between the legs." Dark Pit gags leaving Peach scoffing at him. Her mood changed quickly.

"You know I think Ryu might be interested in me right?" She asked the two. The two angels looked at each other then laughs heartily like drunks.

"I don't think Ryu likes you." Pit tries to control his laughter by covering his mouth.

"Why are you two laughing about it?"

Dark Pit wipes a tear from his left eye. "It's just the thought of you and Ryu together doesn't look right."

The laughter continues. They kept laughing for so long, Peach grew impatient and deserts herself from the Angels.

* * *

When it is lunchtime, Marth had his preparations ready for him to make a turkey sandwich. He made sure not too spread too much mayo or mustard on each slice of bread, knowing him to be OCD. He takes a piece of meat and gently places it on the slice making sure that the corners between the meat and the bread were touching.  
After 23 minutes of making a "perfect" sandwich, Marth rests himself on a chair. He grabs a sharp knife and cuts a piece and picks it up with his fork.  
Little did he know that Peach is sitting across from him, watching him eat.

"Marth," Peach bats her eyelashes "I have something to ask you?"

Marth sighs when interrupted by Peach. His voice is usually calm and princely like and he always respected women for him having an older sister.

"Yes, Peach?" But when it comes to Peach, Marth urges himself to not be rude towards her. Usually, Peach calls him names and makes fun of him on how different he eats. She would also ask for smash which made poor Marth feeling uneasy.

"Would you like to go on a date with me?"

Finally it's not a question that involves smashing. But still, I refuse. Marth though to himself.

"I'm sorry I'm busy for that I am princess." Marth bows his head. After getting back to his position, he quickly dodges a knife that was about to strike his beautiful face. The knife is now pinned to the wall. Peach's eyes brighten with a red hue and her voice deepen to where the point that it sounded like she's Satan.

"Date me or else..." She growls at Marth, who didn't show fear to her. He knew she's not strong enough to defeat him. He kept eating his sandwich with a knife and fork. Transforming back to normal, Peach still kept that glare. She didn't like the feeling of being rejected.

Captain Falcon emerges into the scene for investigation of the Satanic voice. He greets Marth and notices Peach and didn't bother to greet her. "Is she bothering you Marth?" He asked Marth without eye contact.

"Mhm." Marth nods and continues to eat. Captain Falcon approached the princess with both fists clenching. Peach smirks and sticks her middle finger, showing no remorse. Captain Falcon stances himself in a position that Smash fans must know. Fiery aura comes in for assistance and as he throws his fiery fist at Peach's face, he shouts,

"Falcon punch!"

Peach, again, is sent flying to the yard in the field of flowers. The field of flowers is now damaged and ruined. King Dedede stomps in anger and once Peach rises herself up again, she is immediately knocked to the eastern side of the continent by his hammer.

Ouch...


	2. Chapter 2

**Here's a little warning.**

 **This might get you uncomfortable.**

 **There are many references and mentions of those who are not Smash brother characters.**

* * *

The door is kicked open, knocking the hedges off by an angry Peach. Her growl didn't escape from her mouth when she shot a glare at the smashers, who stared at her completely. Samus turns away to focus on finishing watching an episode her favorite show, _American Horror Story._ Why does she like this and how does she find it enjoyable to see and hear frightening stories and scenes? That question will never be solved no matter how hard each smasher tried to examine the positivity of the show.  
Gruntly, Peach stomps up on each step of the poor stairway. When she made it halfway, the board breaks due to her rough weight. Peach looks down and muttered a curse word under her breath then continues her upward stroll.

In her own room, Peach stubbornly decides not to wash for she is too excited to watch her favorite and only anime she watches, _Boku No Pico._ She comfortably rests on her fluffy pink bed fantasizing the characters by rubbing her toes together. How sick she is enjoying a shota anime.

* * *

The sun rises to inform the environment that it'll be morning. Its light draws its attention down to the buildings, streets, clear windows, and everyone who ever sets foot outside. But, however, the sun gives it's most attention to the Smash mansion and only getting the side to where Peach's bedroom is.

Peach tosses in every direction trying to find ways to avoid the sunlight beaming on her face. She groans and whines as she's losing her privilege. After a few moments, she finally sits up to curse at the poor sun who just wanted to give her sunlight.

"Screw you then." The sun said to Peach before rotating itself to beam where Rosalina's bedroom is.  
Instead of having a rude response, Rosalina wakes up like any average person with a bright smile on her face. Her lumas and some random birds regularly groom and dress her for caring purposes. There was no time she grew tired of that routine.

In the kitchen, Ryu is standing on the edge of the door eating a blueberry flavored yogurt, gruntly eating it. After the two angels had reported Peach's inappropriate gossip about him, his anger fueled him just halfway. He is pure and kind but when it comes to Peach, he sure didn't want to do anything with her and he means that.  
A blonde head just peaked around the corner for Ryu to see. The brawler, still having anger, grew curious. He sure hoped the head isn't hers.  
Turns out, Ryu is incorrect, the blonde shows her fully body revealing it to be Rosie. When Ryu sees the truth, his frown turned upside down quickly.

"Good morning Ryu." Rosalina greets before scanning inside the refrigerator.  
It took Ryu a few silent seconds to greet back. His mind is still stuck but his conscience wasn't.

"Morning," Ryu mumbles making sure Rosalina could hear it clearly. Rosalina starts humming when she moves to the stove. She turns it on and the flame flares up.

Another person emerges from the scene and it is that person Ryu wants to avoid. Peach wore a grumpy face as she walks inside. She made sure to glare at Rosalina, who has her back turned as she scrambles her eggs. Ryu tries to watch the scene and plans to interfere if things don't go well.

"Good morning Rosalina." Peach leans on a cabinet while cleaning the inside of her nails.

No answer.

"I said good morning." Peach raises her voice. Long ago, Peach has done many cruel things to Rosalina which made her resent the princess dearly.

No answer.

When Rosalina kept her mouth shut, she felt her rear end being smacked. She yelps quietly and turns to Peach's direction with a glare that no one would want to see. Peach loves to see Rosalina upset because that's one of her favorite hobbies.

"So now you want to listen?" Peach's smug smile forms. Without answer again, Rosalina returns to her scrambled eggs flipping them immensely.  
Peach walk to where Ryu is and both of their eyes meet. However, Ryu's eyes are slit while Peach's are normal.

"What was that about?" Ryu asks her snarlingly. Peach pretended to be dull minded so she shrugged her shoulders with the same smuggled smile.

"What?"

"Don't act dumb with me Princess. I think you owe an apology to Rosalina and me especially."

"Oooh" Peach taps her chin "About yesterday, it was all a joke. I meant to say all those things about Vega."

"You know, Vega would kill you."

"So? I hope that faggot shows up anyway." Peach had her hands on the back of her head.

Before leaving the kitchen, Ryu mutters his last words.

"You're going to regret it."

Peach crosses her arms and silently mocks him. Then after, earning a punch in the face.

* * *

In the huge backyard, Cloud and Link were sword fighting. The two playfully teased, call names, and chase one another. The fun ended when an uninvited guest shows up. As Peach walks towards them, Cloud escapes, leaving poor Link out in the open.

"Hi, Link long time no see." Peach winks seductively at him, leaving him to sweat anxiously.

 _Ew, why do people ship me with this...thing?_ He thought to himself. Getting back to the real world, Link takes a deep breath before speaking.

"We were training until you came along."

"Well, what's wrong with me?" Peach purrs as she gets closer to Link, who takes a few steps back.

"Everything. You called me Peter Pan 2.0 and you called Cloud Sephiroth's gay slave."

Turning slightly around, Peach quietly lets out a chuckle before turning back to Link.

"I have to admit, that was pretty funny." Peach giggles.

"Yeah, sure it was." Link rolls his eyes after finishing his sarcasm.

"Well, Link do you want to have an affair with me?"

The question didn't startle Link. He had answers that will come straight out of his mouth.

"First of all, I don't love you Peach. Second, I rather screw with Rosalina, Daisy, Waluigi, Zelda, or Ganondorf. Third, how did you get so promiscuous all of a sudden?"

"I'm not promiscuous." Peach pauses. "That's Zelda." She then dabs waiting for some gangsters to holler in praise for her comeback. Nothing happened.

"You misspelled yourself." Link assures her with a smirk on his face.  
Just then, some gangsters hollered in praise for Link's comeback. They eventually helped him escape from Peach by picking him up and leaving out of the scene. As they were leaving, Link sits crisscrossed with his arms folded, eyes shut, and a devious smirk of pride.

"Peter pan 2.0" Peach mutters under her breath, returning back inside the mansion.

* * *

2 hours have passed and it is still morning and Peach is peeking around the corner spying on Ike lifting weights on a bench. She admires those muscular arms Ike had after his younger look which she says he looked kinda skimpy like Marth. Ike lies his back on the bench then starts doing his chest press. Peach starts to look at Ike's cleavage, which merely shows his muscular chest. Once Ike does about 5 sets, Peach bites her lip in lust. She wanted that man and she's not going to be rejected any longer. The gym room is so quiet after Ike finishes his 30 sets. He wipes the sweat from his temple while slowly taking deep breaths. Little did this Griel Mercenary know those intriguing footsteps where coming closer to him.

Ike paid no attention to his back is turned from Peach when he removes his navy blue tank top and throws it at a distance in his sight. Peach's eyes lit up as she takes a glimpse of Ike's muscular back. She then after gives her whole attention to Ike.

"Hi, Ike." Peach waves nervously. Ike turns his attention towards Peach as well with a smile. Peach knows that smile as a sign of not getting rejected.

"Well hello..." Ike slanted his eyebrows and eyes to scan her face "Daisy?"

Peach clasped her hand to her face and shakes her head.

"I'm Peach."

Ike's burst of laughter filled the gym room. He didn't know who Peach is nor ever paid his attention to her. For that, he's always kind to her former friend Daisy.

Peach taps her foot irritably, not understanding the reason for his laughter. "What's so funny?"

Ike wipes a tear from his eye. "N-nothing." He takes deep breathes and calms his tone of voice. He now adds: "The name Peach made me crack up."

 _At least it's better than Ike._ Peach shouts in her head. She smiles at Ike and tries to use her feminine wiles by arching her back while leaning on a nearby desk using her bottom to press against it. Ike didn't understand Peach's behavior so he stood there having question marks filled his mind.

"I saw you working out." Peach winks while Ike takes a sip of his Gatorade "Maybe you could work me out." Ike spits out some of his liquid after hearing the suggestion.

"Are you crazy woman?!" Ike blurts out

"No." Peach answers "But I am horny."

Ike pauses to stare at Peach for a while. "I rather work with Soren if you don't mind or perhaps Daisy."

Peach clicks her tongue after hearing the name Daisy. "What's so special about a non-fighter who screams literally?"

"Because," Ike takes a sip of his drink "She's not rude and promiscuous, she's cuter, her personality is cute, her bum is less fake than yours-" Peach lets out a gasp after Ike roasting her "She doesn't give Mario a hard time by getting kidnapped, she's not all flashy and dressy, her baby version is less annoying, her kingdom isn't always attacked-"

As Ike continues to list about how Daisy is better than her, Peach sighs and leaves the gym room with Ike still listing and not caring if she left.

"She doesn't talk trash about Cloud, Link, Ghirahim, Ganondorf, Sephiroth, and Sephiroth's remnants, she doesn't talk trash about her own friend, she isn't jealous of her own friend, she doesn't call Link Peter Pan 2.0, she doesn't call Cloud Sephiroth's gay slave, she doesn't watch Boku no Pico, she reminds me of Mist, she's an angel, she-"

"Okay, we get it!" Shouts Roy from his bedroom that's near the gym room. Ike bites his lip while leaving the gym room.

* * *

As the day reaches to noon, Peach lies on her bed drooling in boredom. She couldn't stop thinking about Ike's muscles and how she wanted the man. Then when she mused about him mentioning the cheerful princess Daisy, she decides to distance herself from Ike. The clock hanging on her wall ticks and ticks and ticks making Peach's eyes half shut. She is nearly close to sleeping. Peach stops her body's temptation by raising herself on the bed, yelping as she does so.

"I can't give up. I need to flirt." She told her own mirror before vanishing out.

Cloud finishes his final step of stairs to rest in his bedroom. Once he sees someone he doesn't want to see, he quickly rushes to the door, struggling to turn the knob. Peach is stood right behind Cloud without wording her presence. As Cloud struggles, Peach lets out a loud

"Helloooooo Cloud!" Which made Cloud curse under his breath and kicking his door. Slowly, he turns to Peach with menacing eyes. Almost like he wanted to murder her.

"What do you want?" Cloud asks bluntly.

"Well..." Peach twirls a strand of her hair with her finger "I want to know if you want to go out on a date with me?" She smiles "innocently".

"No." Cloud answers harshly.

"Why not?"

"I rather date Daisy."

 _Daisy?! Why her?!_ Peach's left eye twitches in anger and jealousy. She quickly shakes off those ugly emotions and focuses her attention on Cloud.

"But for one day?"

"Like I said, I rather date Daisy."

"Daisy is not here."

"So what?"

"You're single and she's a whore."

"I think you're the whore here no offense." Cloud kept his glare.

"Hmph fine then. I bet Zack would love to date me."

"Okay. Ask him." Cloud signals his hand to shoo Peach away as Peach makes her way to Midgar.

 **Two hours later**

Peach returns to Cloud with a mean frown on her face.

"Well?" Cloud asked.

"He said he rather kill himself or date Angeal, Aerith, or..." Peach grinds her teeth and doesn't bother saying her name "That flower princess."  
Peach then take a deep breath.

"See? No one wants to date you." Cloud cross his arms.

"They do!" Peach argued by stomping her foot. Her loud stomp had Marth in the scene only to stand towards Cloud.

"Prove it then." Cloud urges Peach.

"Fine, I'll ask Sephiroth's remnants then." Peach leaves out of Cloud and Marth's sight.

"Cloud why is she going to ask the Final Fantasy characters out?"

"Probably thinks they're hot."

Marth laughs while Cloud stands there.

 **One hour later**

Peach returns with bruises and parallel cuts on her torso. Cloud looks away to hide his laughter as Marth's eyes were wide as ever.

"What happened to you?!" Marth shouts.

"After I ask them out, that faggot with short hair beat the crap out of me. Then the long-haired bishie had some pretty smooth martial art skills. And that short douchebag left me cuts with his double-bladed sword. The funny thing is, is that they said that they all rather date Daisy." Peach lets out a weak uncontrollable laugh.

Cloud wipes his tears from his face from laughing so much hearing Peach's story. Peach could hear Cloud's soft wheezing. She pouts even more and marches down the stairs cursing non-stop. When she's far gone, Cloud starts to laugh again with Marth standing there staring at Cloud with eyebrows arching upwards in confusion.


End file.
